THE MOST SPIRITUAL EVENT OF MY LIFE - LOSING MY SON TO SIDS

Most posts to this blog are of a second coming nature - not personal - but this one was so huge and so impacting to me, I have to add something about it. This is a work in progress as I have more time. I literally could write a book on what my wife and I went through and still not get through it all.

On April 4th, 2002 at approx. 1:45am, our lives were changed forever when our little Dallin Jacob Wood was called home to prepare for what most of us will probably go through in our lifetimes. The massive influx of people into the Spirit World as the world goes through the massive upheavals that are soon to be upon us. While we are organized here and have much work to do for our temporal salvation, there is much that is going on "over there" that requires manpower, organization, and direction. This "seed blog entry" will get rather enormous as time goes on. I had an old friend from Facebook mention that her mother had died - a truly wonderful woman whose time it simply was to go home for a purpose few of us here might understand. Here is a note that I sent her:

Vicki,
I was sorry to hear about your mother. Without regular contact, I just assumed Victor and your mother were living out their lives. I saw your dad was on FB. I am sure it simply was her time to go - there is so much more going on over there than we can imagine. The work to redeem the human family is massive and accelerating beyond our comprehension as the millennium approaches.
I will not force it on you - and would be more than happy to pop a copy of that book (Life Everlasting) I mentioned in the mail - but it is a most amazing work. Death is really just a change of state to a greater and more exciting part of the adventure of our eternal life. Just let me know if you are interested in the book. Like I said, it is so good that I keep loaners around for interested people.
Yes, our little guy was called home around 9 months old and it really was supposed to happen. I was actually supposed to go home that year that he was taken home - and had known that since a few months before I came home from my mission. My wife just brushed me off as crazy when I turned 33 and would not follow my advice to seek out a life insurance policy big enough to take care of her and the kids if I were taken (her own father was taken in the Vietnam war and Shawna and her mother were left with few options). Notwithstanding the fact she didn't take me seriously, my wife had a premonition of impending death two weeks before Dallin's death and was literally allowed to choose that it not be me who was sent home on errand. Maybe a little hard to comprehend, but a true statement. My Grandpa Matheson, the old Cedar City Stake Patriarch was calling the shots from the other side and needed help. Off the charts wild - but we had three independent people in our family that had simultaneous manifestations within a day or two that confirmed it. I had an incredible 2 yr. mission by any stretch - similar to John H. Groberg's - but losing our little guy was THE most spiritually affirming thing that has ever happened to me/us. It was pretty hard on the oldest two kids, though. They were too young to fully comprehend what was going on.
I run a blog that has some pretty wild stuff like this in it and I just have not had the time to get the whole scenario down - but at some point, I will blog all of the incredible things that happened to us. I can honestly say that I know that God lives and there is an entire "situation" around us that most people simply do not comprehend or have an awareness of. The veil was very thin for months after he crossed over.
Anyway, sorry to get so deep but I just have to pass on the hope and insight I have gained.
Thanks for sharing about your mother - I wasn't sure if it would be polite to ask in a public forum.

Eric.

Here is a wonderful quote by Joseph Smith on the death of a loved one:

I think this quote sums this little guy's life up,
"The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning, we have reason to rejoice, as they are delivered from evil and we shall soon have them again. The only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in heaven in eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Notwithstanding all this glory, we for a moment, lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope (through Christ).
Joseph Smith.

Here is a poem my wife composed about our little Dallin Jacob:

I like to look for songbirds and hear their melody,
For my heart turns to a sweet boy, who God once gave to me.
He filled our life with miracles, the very day he came.
He blessed our lives with sunshine; we'll never be the same.

I like to look for songbirds. He loved their melody.
He'd often look up heavenward--their flight path just to see.
And gazing deep into our eyes, he seemed to be so wise,
Yet he was so cute and playful, and tender were his cries...

And then our little songbird, he needed to take flight--
His flightpath leading heavenbound--it happened in the night.
Our soul was filled with rainclouds, our tears fell to the earth,
Only eight months and twenty days, since his day of birth.

We looked to God to understand, for we do not know why.
We place our trust in God who knows, why Dallin had to die.
But there is restoration, thanks be to God's own son.
And earth life is preparation, for the eternal one.

A time to learn all the things that God wants me to know.
A time to prove my faith in Christ as I progress and grow.
And without earth life's own sorrow, I could not know the joy,
This truth I must remember, whene'er I miss my boy.

I'm thankful to my Father in heaven up above,
Who for me, one of his children, has such mercy and love.
How difficult and,oh, so hard, to offer up His Son,
That death and sin be trampled, in the battle that was won.

I'm thankful to my Savior, who won that war for me,
That I may return to Father, and live eternally.
I know my Savior rose again, and death He overcame,
Showing by his example, that I, too, will rise the same.

And spirit joined with body, I too will conquer death,
And witness this great miracle, inhaling once more breath.
To this end was my Savior born, So I could follow Him,
Back home as pure as snow again, to reunite with them.

Their gift to me, eternal life, as I accept their will.
My gift to them a change of heart, Christ's power is so real.
I want to follow him and be the best that I can be,
Because my Savior loves me, and paid the price for me.

by Shawna

Over time, this piece will grow. Please check back in six months for more updates.

MY DAD IS GOING TO BE A POLYGAMIST

OK - I have to admit.  The title of this piece was meant for shock-value (picture a short-haired guy in a white shirt and tie, not the Howard Stern type....), but never-the-less, its true.

Due to a snafu that I am still a little sore at my wife about, I did not receive the invitation to my Dad's own (second) sealing until a few days ago - not enough notice to throw my work schedule into disarray and make the trip down to witness a mid-week ceremony in Logan.  Still a little sore at my Dad for not making it on a more accessible day like Saturday where I might have played hooky for one day and made it down??

Why all the hubbub?  If you read one of my recent previous posts, my Mom was insistent that this day not occur (while she was alive).  She had to eat crow and come back after her death to straighten that little detail out.  And boy, I cannot wait to find out about the sequence of events that led to her journey back through the veil to deliver that bombshell to Dad.

Anyway, Tuesday is the big day when I have two mommies (no my name is not Heather....or even Heath.....).  My Dad seems to be really content with his new companion.  I have to say that all I care about is that two people (or three, as the case may be) are happy.  I think they will get along handsomely over there - although part of Celestial living is getting along well in the sandbox - so there is not much of an option if that is the end-goal.  My Dad is pretty happy-go-lucky - its the ladies I worry about.  Both women whom I now will need to call Mother and (proper name of new companion - I cannot give this good woman that title - it is sacred to me, reserved for the one who put her life on the line to bear a 10 pound behemoth through a 10 cm portal to his first breath and this life....  Thank goodness for forceps and flexible cranial plates....), both women are/were a little "catty" and the "jealous" types if I am reading personalities correctly (not judgmental - just observational, here).  So, the fur may fly at times - unless there is alot of mellowing as time goes on - as I observed moreso in the life of my mother during her final 10 years.  If it is to be a Celestial in nature, there will have to be a complete understanding of stewardship and consecration and true love as God intended it; not the cheap imitation that is peddled and passed off for the genuine article here on this earth.  The same love I experienced the night my boy died - in that dream and in one other dream where I was shown something of a heavenly court (I have not shared it - because I still do not fully comprehend it - I may have to get there to fully understand it).  A love that saturates you to the very core of your bones; your marrow.  A love so encompassing, you realize you don't care about the things of mortality because you would only do what it takes to be wrapped (enveloped - mortal words can't describe it) in that love.  So warm - so intense, yet mellow, so golden, so welcoming, so cozy that if you took every amazing mortal experience where you were filled with happiness, joy, love warmth and reduced it over a simmering warm heat to a golden elixir - all that goodness in one spoonful, it would only be a drop of what is over there - and that you are veritably wrapped in its embrace and swimming in it.
So what would you give up for that?  I say everything that consumes us in this life would be nothing too great to have that opportunity.  I know that God is a God of LOVE - but that He is serious as a heartbeat; and will not be mocked with anything less than our best effort and the sacrifice of all if He requires it of us to prove to ourselves; where we are at in our devotion to His principles - in His fight to save as many children as He will.

With that pure love - and I bear witness of it - any female that is reading this article will be able to bear off those earthly impulses of jealousy and selfishness.  I know my mother is in that place - for she came back with my boy that had previously returned to my bedside trailing that heavenly light after he had undoubtedly been to see the Savior - and that I was filled with just a portion of that light as he ministered to me (and his mother) before our hour of Gethsemane pain.

So, sisters, if you are struggling with that doctrine, I urge you to seek after your Maker and ask to be filled with that light and wrapped in that warmth.  And when you are, I promise you the bitterness and resentment and doubt will melt away as the hoar frost on a summer morning to reveal healing and an understanding spirit.  I promise you that, as I sit here with just a miniscule portion of that spirit  burning in my bosom as I recollect my two brushes with the divine.

God lives.  I know Joseph Smith was the hallowed mortal who was given the uber-difficult task of restoring all things in this last dispensation of the fullness of times; including that inspired doctrine that will only elevate and lift and perfect each man and woman to their full potential and full stature of spirit.  I am grateful for Joseph's courage as I read Section 135 this morning.  May the Lord have mercy on those who did not have eyes to see and ears to hear the message of the restoration as He will on those who did the same to Him as he sealed his testimony in His blood according to the principle of the testator.  In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

SHOULD WE SUPPORT AND MAINTAIN A STANDING ARMY WHOSE EFFECT IS FELT IN ALMOST EVERY NATION UNDER THE HEAVENS?

I was shocked a few years ago when I began finding stunning statements of the LDS Church' First Presidency. In regard to mandatory military service, look what they said back over a half century ago, especially point numbers 14-17. And who can argue with David O. McKay.... We bring upon ourselves what is coming by our own lack of blindness and our lack of understanding of what is written in the Book of Mormon regarding the proper use of force. We need to tread lightly on our attitudes and support for those who have, with their silver and gold, bought up armies and false priests (politicians and otherwise) who oppress the people in a non-millennial form of existence:

STATEMENT BY THE FIRST PRESIDENCY REGARDING UNIVERSAL COMPULSORY MILITARY TRAINING

We print below a letter dated December 14, 1945, addressed by the First Presidency of the Church to each member of the Utah Congressional Delegation-Senators Thomas and Murdock and Congressmen Granger and Robinson. Word has now been received by the First Presidency from both Senators and both Congressmen expressing their approval of and belief in the sentiments, reasons, and conclusions set forth in the letter. The letter follows:

“Press reports have for some months indicated that a determined effort is in the making to establish in this country a compulsory universal military training designed to draw into military training and service the entire youth of the nation. We had hoped that mature reflection might lead the proponents of such a policy to abandon it. We have felt and still feel that such a policy would carry with it the gravest dangers to our Republic.

“It now appears that the proponents of the policy have persuaded the Administration to adopt it, in what on its face is a modified form. We deeply regret this, because we dislike to find ourselves under the necessity of opposing any policy so sponsored. However, we are so persuaded of the rightfulness of our position, and we regard the policy so threatening to the true purposes for which this Government was set up, as set forth in the great Preamble to the Constitution, that we are constrained respectfully to invite your attention to the following considerations:

“1. By taking our sons at the most impressionable age of their adolescence and putting them into army camps under rigorous military discipline, we shall seriously endanger their initiative thereby impairing one of the essential elements of American citizenship. While on its face the suggested plan might not seem to visualize the army camp training, yet there seems little doubt that our military leaders contemplate such a period, with similar recurring periods after the boys are placed in the reserves.

“2. By taking our boys from their homes, we shall deprive them of parental guidance and control at this important period of their youth, and there is no substitute for the care and love of a mother for a young son.

“3. We shall take them out of school and suffer their minds to be directed in other channels, so that very many of them after leaving the army, will never return to finish their schooling, thus over a few years materially reducing the literacy of the whole nation.

“4. We shall give opportunity to teach our sons not only the way to kill but also, in too many cases, the desire to kill, thereby increasing lawlessness and disorder to the consequent upsetting of the stability of our national society. God said at Sinai, “Thou shalt not kill.”

“5. We shall take them from the refining, ennobling, character-building atmosphere of the home, and place them under a drastic discipline in an environment that is hostile to most of the finer and nobler things of home and of life.

“6. We shall make our sons the victims of systematized allurements to gamble, to drink, to smoke, to swear, to associate with lewd women, to be selfish, idle, irresponsible save under restraint of force, to be common, coarse, and vulgar, all contrary to and destructive of the American home.

“7. We shall deprive our sons of any adequate religious training and activity during their training years, for the religious element of army life is both inadequate and ineffective.

“8. We shall put them where they may be indoctrinated with a wholly un-American view of the aims and purposes of their individual lives, and of the life of the whole people and nation, which are founded on the ways of peace, whereas they will be taught to believe in the ways of war.

“9. We shall take them away from all participation in the means and measures of production to the economic loss of the whole nation.

“10. We shall lay them open to wholly erroneous ideas of their duties to themselves, to their family, and to society in the matter of independence, self-sufficiency, individual initiative, and what we have come to call American manhood.

“11. We shall subject them to encouragement in a belief that they can always live off the labors of others through the government or otherwise.

“12. We shall make possible their building into a military caste which from all human experience bodes ill for that equality and unity which must always characterize the citizenry of a republic.

“13. By creating an immense standing army, we shall create to our liberties and free institutions a threat foreseen and condemned by the founders of the Republic, and by the people of this country from that time till now. Great standing armies have always been the tools of ambitious dictators to the destruction of freedom.

“14. By the creation of a great war machine, we shall invite and tempt the waging of war against foreign countries, upon little or no provocation; for the possession of great military power always breeds thirst for domination, for empire, and for a rule by might not right.

“15. By building a huge armed establishment, we shall belie our protestations of peace and peaceful intent and force other nations to a like course of militarism, so placing upon the peoples of the earth crushing burdens of taxation that with their present tax load will hardly be bearable, and that will gravely threaten our social, economic, and governmental systems.

“16. We shall make of the whole earth one great military camp whose separate armies, headed by war-minded officers, will never rest till they are at one another’s throats in what will be the most terrible contest the world has ever seen.

“17. All the advantages for the protection of the country offered by a standing army may be obtained by the National Guard system which has proved so effective in the past and which is unattended by the evils of entire mobilization.

“Responsive to the ancient wisdom, ‘Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it,’ obedient to the divine message that heralded the birth of Jesus the Christ, the Savior and Redeemer of the world, ‘. . . on earth peace, good will toward men,’ and knowing that our Constitution and the Government set up under it were inspired of God and should be preserved to the blessing not only of our own citizenry but, as an example, to the blessing of all the world, we have the honor respectfully to urge that you do your utmost to defeat any plan designed to bring about the compulsory military service of our citizenry. Should it be urged that our complete armament is necessary for our safety, it may be confidently replied that a proper foreign policy, implemented by an effective diplomacy, can avert the dangers that are feared. What this country needs and what the world needs, is a will for peace, not war. God will help our efforts to bring this about.

“Respectfully submitted, GEO. ALBERT SMITH, J. REUBEN CLARK, JR., DAVID O. MCKAY, First Presidency.”

A QUOTABLE QUOTE FROM STEVE JOBS

In 2005, following the bout with cancer, Jobs delivered Stanford University's commencement speech.

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life," he said. "Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important."

I can back that up 100%....

A DIFFICULT TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY

Well, this blog is as much a journal of "the journey" as it is a freak show of all the wild stuff I come across that is unbelievable sometimes even to me.

Today marks the day we get under contract on our Montana dream that has been over 10 years in coming. A place where we would be out from under the shackles of desperados in the banking industry, the food industry, corporate America (I can finally tell folks that are out of line to take their tripe and shove it....) and most other constructs of modern society that have slowly sapped all that used to allow us to call ourselves free in this once-great nation. It is a day of jubilation for me - and hopefully will lead to the physical safety and salvation of my family and others who see the wisdom of our crazy journey. Hopefully, not too far in hindsight.....

Today also marks the tenth anniversary of the death of our son who, I feel, has held some kind of a brooding hand over our lives - a sort of ministering angel. I have nothing solid to back that up other than the dream I had the night he died with the fulfillment of the three remarkable parts of it which included him coming back from the other side to let us know that all was well and that he was engaged in directing family matters on the other side. The other indication we have of the "tragedy" of his death was my father's dream two weeks before he died where the old family patriarch, through our Matheson line - and the former Patriarch of the Cedar City, UT Stake said he needed more help and that Dallin would be tapped for the mission. I thought it would be me - for years had known my time would be up sooner than the age of a tree - but my wife was able to alter that course of action through her agency and by being close enough to the Spirit to have a premonition that something was about to happen - and then choose that it not be me.

So, this whole thing was set in motion that fateful day a few short years ago. It started with our Dallin's birth and the distinct impression I felt when we brought him home that "he is the best thing to cross our threshhold". God sends the good ones down - and sometimes allows them to return early to accomplish an even greater work on the other side. I am grateful for the remarkable experience of growth that the entire episode provided. I would not trade it back - but it does make me wonder what it would be like with one more rambunctious boy tearing around the house and wrestling with his older brother and then enjoying the woods and experiences of growing up in Montana together.

Truly, life is an adventure. Enjoy each day and treasure what you have - for things can change in an instant. Not necessarily for the worse - but for the different. God is in charge - seek to know what He has in store for you and then follow those quiet whisperings to your potential.

ONE OF JOSEPH'S LAST DREAM

Truly a descendant of Joseph of Egypt.

This is touching - please take a minute to view it. My love for the man grows and I feel to shout hallelujah for having lived after him and being able to look back and see his might works. He will sit high in the constellation of the great ones with the Savior and our God.

CLICK LINK

Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah!

GLOBAL UPHEAVAL - BOTH POLITICALLY AND GEOLOGICALLY

Wow - this woman (Sols Guardisto) had some dire stuff to say, and with all the stuff that has been occurring lately with earthquake, tornado, and social strife in every quarter, I feel as if it could happen shortly (in the next 5-7 years). It has just been one bad thing after another:

I saw next international war break out with its center upon the Pacific Ocean, but sweeping and encircling the whole globe. I saw that the opposing forces were roughly divided by so-called Christianity on one side, and by the so-called followers of Mohammed and Buddha upon the other. I saw the great driving power within these so-called Christian Nations was the Great Apostasy in all its political, social, and religious aspects. I saw the world-wide dislocation and devastation of production and slaughter of people occur more swiftly and upon a larger scale than ever before. I saw an antagonism begin to express itself from those so-called Christian nations against your people. I saw those of a similar faith to yours in the Far East begin to look toward Palestine for safety.

I saw the international world war automatically break down, and national revolutions occur in every country and complete the work of chaos and desolation. I saw geological disturbances occur, which helped in this work as if it were intended to do so. I saw the Cardston Temple preserved from all this geological upheaval. I saw the international boundary line disappear as these two governments broke up and dissolved into chaos. I saw race rioting upon this American continent on a vast scale.

I saw hunger and starvation in this world granary of the American continent sweep off vast numbers of the conflicting elements. I saw disease produced by hunger, strife, and chaos complete the end of this present order or epoch…"

PART II - FEELING SOMEONE ELSE'S PAIN OVER LONG DISTANCES

So, previously - a few posts back, I wrote down my experiences with my first love Tawny and how I was able to feel her pain from 5500 miles away.

So, I had another experience that was equally as unusual.

After I returned from my mission to Brazil, I worked in Eastern WA making good summer wages at a vegetable processing plant. I actually worked three jobs knowing that the scholarships would cover everything but the dating dollars - and I wanted some spending cash to spend on the ladies I knew I would bump into at the happy hunting ground.... It was not to be that year, while at Moses Lake, my brother met and introduced me to Danielle. I initially fell in love with her family - they seemed to have it all together and like mother, like daughter, I was determined to marry a girl that had a good blueprint for how to make a happy well-balanced family happen. Danielle had 7 kids in her family and they lived what I thought to be the perfect existence. Our relationship went along pretty well - she at Ricks and I at BYU-Provo getting my engineering degree. If grades are any indication of how well a girl positively influences a guy, I was in good shape. I was pulling the curves in almost every class and managed straight A's all year in engineering weeder courses. Our relationship went well, but there were some maturity issues on both our parts - and her dad specifically told me she was too young to marry. The other thing that scared me was that Danielle took the whole family thing a little too seriously. She was going to bear me 12 children - and she was dead serious. I was more in the 5-7 range. I know my limits - and 12 was too many. Maybe she was just trying to scare me off - but I knew she might try and make good on her promise. I was falling for her and we had even kicked the M word around - but there were a few hurdles we could not clear and she decided she was to serve a mission (much to her dad's delight). In the meantime, I found a good friend who I swear knew every woman on campus and he took me on "the rounds" every Sunday where we would go to the women's apartments and forage for a free Sunday meal. We had an agreement: we cleaned the kitchen top to bottom after taking care of the Sunday leftovers - and we also took notice of all the cute girls we bumped into. We were praised for our cleaning details which was no big deal as we were engineers and used to detail - they were praised on their cooking skills. It was the perfect setup and ended in the marriage of me to my eternal companion. She passed all the necessary tests and cleared all the hurdles except she came from a broken home where a divorce was occurring just as we were coming together in our union. Truly sad.... It was so sad, that having heard some of the dysfunction from her family had me thinking I was going to have to let her down easy and move on to the girl behind door number three - but I actually heard a crystal clear voice in my mind say "It will be okay (stick with her)".... FREAKY stuff!! The only time that ever happened before or since.
My sweetie was born in September (I had known my sweetie would be a Sept girl since I was 16 years old and first pondered on the concept of being married). We were actually born 15 hours apart and my best man - that set me up with her was born on the same day as me - all of us in the same year. Pretty odd for three completely random people meeting up. My best man being a major player in every major thing in my life including the dream I had the night we lost our Dallin. He even found me my current job that has seen us through tough economic times. Which segues nicely into the point of this whole story.....
I had the previously posted anguishing dreams the week Tawny lost her brother in a tragic death, and in Nov 2001 I, for two weeks, had been having these anguishing tormented dreams again - but this time about Danielle. Every morning I would wake up and tell my wife and then another torturous night feeling gloom and doom over Danielle. I was convinced that something bad had happened to her - but could not ascertain what it possibly could be. My wife prodded me to call her - but I could not bring myself to do it - it would be awkward beyond words, and besides, I had no contact info and she had married a few years before that and I only knew that my brother had run into her in N. Utah at a crafts fair where her woodworking husband sold some of his works of art.

One of the problems also was that I only awoke with impressions of torment, but with no specific details of what the exact details were. My wife promised me that if I would wake her, she would record the details the next time this kind of thing happened. I was concerned enough, I agreed, but I was NOT going to make contact with Danielle. VERY awkward considering how our relationship just kind of petered out and died with a sigh.... Not very good closure, I must say.

Fast forward four and a half months. I had been given a weekly 5am Saturday morning temple assignment. I dreaded the early hours - but LOVED the chance to serve and start my weekend off right. My personal level of spirituality soared. Six weeks after serving in the temple, I had a most powerful and vivid dream. I rolled over and my wife and I woke up simultaneously. I was saying over and over "That was amazing, that was amazing...". My wife asked what it was and I told her I had just had the most incredible dream. She popped out of bed and disappeared into the office returning shortly with a tape. She popped it into the tape recorder that just happened to be next to our bed (we had just pulled it out of storage three days before to listen to some Cleon Skousen tapes the missionaries had given us - the only boom box we owned that could record). For 45 minutes I recorded the most incredible dream I had ever had - and our son had been laying dead in the next room for the past three hours. I believe he was there in the room - and the sweet spirit I was feeling was some of his presence - he is one of the greats of the Matheson line who needed only get a tabernacle of clay and move on to greater things without the need to be tried and tested in this fallen world. After recording this singular dream which we later foretold with incredible clarity three significant events that would define our lives in the future (one of which was Dallin's death), I turned off the tape and we rolled over and went to sleep until we woke up late that morning - the usual babe crying at 6am for his morning milk not having woken us as usual.....
Our little family converged on his room where we found his lifeless body - beginning the most unusual odyssey I could ever have contrived in my mind had I even scarcely believed it to be possible. One where I have a solid witness of God's interaction in our lives, where I know He lives and where I know there is life after this one and we are on a carefully guided plan to help us fill our greatest God-given potential - take my life if you must, but you cannot take that solid assurance away from me.

So - what does this have to do with Danielle? It finally (after I was able to digest the whole death of a child thing and that I wasn't just having random or coincidental dreams), I looked up her mom who still lived in the same place in Moses Lake and briefly told her of our tragedy and asked, "What happened to one of your daughters last November?". "Did something tragic or of significance happen the end of that month?" She paused - and then said that I must be referring to Danielle and I said yes, it was....

She then proceeded to tell me that around the time that my wife and I were married, Danielle (as a 21 year old woman - and on her mission in AZ) had gone through menopause and stopped ovulating completely. The woman who had wanted 12 kids became completely infertile and could no longer bear any. She gave Danielle our phone number and Danielle called a few nights later and we had a good cry together as we shared our losses - a truly surreal experience. She had met her husband and they started the treatment to kick her body out of the early onset menopause (much as they would one of these ladies who is 60 and decides she would like to have a baby). The doctors kept increasing the dosages of medicine until the doctor told her it would end up killing her before she could have a baby of her own. The levels were 5x what it would take to kick the 60 year old back into a fertile state. She was left with an empty minivan (she had bought with the idea she and her husband would fill it) - and no children. A tragedy as great as having and then losing one of her own - a true state of mourning. Once again, I had felt someone's pain from a great distance - that strange non-verbal soul to soul communication at work. I cannot explain it - but it is fascinating beyond words. I understand the communication with Danielle - we had professed our love to each other and I wonder what the long-term interactions between her and I will be. I found out after marrying my wife (who made the genealogical connections through a common friend), that all three girls who made the top of the list while I was at BYU were all descended from a common ancestor who was hanging out with my common ancestor on the Willey-Martin handcart company disaster. I truly was supposed to marry into that line - I am sure of it. I have only skimmed the surface on this topic - there is so much more weird stuff that I haven't got time for.

A whole other topic for a whole other day. Sufficeth to say - things are way too strange when you take a walk down the wild side in the Wood Zone. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't experienced it.

"THEY WILL THIRST FOR THE BLOOD OF EVERY MAN...."

I had to work all weekend. Saturday night was spent on a lonely engineering watch with a Jewish friend and we engaged in some great conversation where we shared doctrines of our respective faiths. All of his doctrines are 100% compatible with mine - and shared some mind enlarging feelings on the nature of our spirits and the nature of God and the heavens. We have a fantastic relationship where we just share things as God intended - no contention.
I then had to work on the Sabbath (today) where another co-worker came up (a nice guy - but who has the very appearance/demeanor of what I always have thought the devil himself would look like; dashing good looks with dark hair and the required goatee, a great orator, conceited, self-assured to a fault, with little or no humility, and dark and cold penetrating eyes) and proceeded to hack away at organized religion and proceeded to erroneously tell me what my beliefs are. His name is Daemon and during the course of the conversation, I have to admit, I got things wrong with the pronunciation of his name and 'accidentally' dropped the a (my wife censured me for having done it). Things got a little tense when he began an assault on the Prophet and on the nature of the Holy Ghost. I clearly warned him to watch his words as they were being recorded and he would be "weighed in the balance" over them. Mostly, I have great forebearance with these types of folks and know that mostly, they operate out of ignorance and the wicked traditions of their fathers. It was the same genre of spirit that put our Lord and the Prophet to death because of the inability of the recipients to handle the truth. It is my burden to attract these types and, hopefully with the Spirit, set them on a course to doctrinal correctness. I fear they will have to suffer many things before they are humble enough to even begin to have ears to hear sound principle.

The last one I dealt with (several years ago at work) was literally gnashing his teeth in my face and I warned him against what he was doing - that after a bruising railing against my "stupidity" and "naivety" for believing in God, I was compelled to tell him that 'he would rue the day' (he had been so crass against his maker) and that "in his extremity, he would feel after his Maker". I had no idea, and in such a short order, how prophetic those words would be. He, at that time, was making plans to retire a few short months later. After our very heated conversation (where I thought one of us might get escorted to the door due to the tenor and intensity of the exchange), a few days later, he developed a throat condition where for three or four weeks all he could do was croak. I no longer had to endure his withering anti-God rhetoric that had been building in intensity. He seemed to get a little better but never quite shook that condition until he went to the doctor the day before his retirement. When he got the results back, it was systemic cancer. In his extremity over the next few months, he came to know his Maker. It was sad to hear the progress over the months as he tried in vain to fight it and finally succombed. I e-mailed him at times (near the end) admonishing him to invite the Elders into his house to bless him to live (and maybe to have the teachings of heaven distill on his earthly mind to better prepare him for crossing over) but I think that work will have to continue on the other side when he is ready.

So, I dedicate this post to Gene who might have better spent his time asking thoughtful questions (to someone who has no fear of letting it all hang out) in preparation to meeting his Maker, the Father of us all. Time is short - I can feel it. Now is the time to prepare to meet God. May we all have grace and divine direction to that end is my prayer in Jesus' name, Amen.

Something from one of my favorite authors on seeking after truth and taking some damage over it, by those who cannot endure sound doctrine due to their wicked and adulterous natures:

Persecution and hatred by those who love not the truth are a legacy bequeathed by the Saviour to all His followers; for He said they should be hated of all men for His name's sake. (JD 7:42)



At the time of the restoration of the Gospel, the Prophet Joseph Smith said:



It seems as though the adversary was aware, at a very early period of my life, that I was destined to prove a disturber and an annoyer of his kingdom; else why should the power of darkness combine against me? Why the opposition and persecution that arose against me, almost in my infancy?

Some few days after I had this vision, I happened to be in company with one of the Methodist preachers, who was very active in the before mentioned religious excitement; and, conversing with him on the subject of religion, I took occasion to give him an account of the vision which I had had. I was greatly surprised at his behavior; he treated my communication not only lightly, but with great contempt, saying it was all of the devil, that there were no such things as visions or revelations in these days; that all such things had ceased with the apostles, and that there would never be any more of them.

I soon found, however, that my telling the story had excited a great deal of prejudice against me among professors of religions, and was the cause of great persecution, which continued to increase; and though I was an obscure boy, only between fourteen and fifteen years of age, and my circumstances in life such as to make a boy of no consequence in the world, yet men of high standing would take notice sufficient to excite the public mind against me, and create a bitter persecution; and this was common among all the sects@all united to persecute me. (P. of G. P., Joseph Smith 2:20-22)



True Gospel principles have always brought trouble to prophets, patriarchs and apostles. People didn't have room for [28] new truth. They were content with a few pebbles of information, rather than accept new outcroppings and boulders of greater knowledge.



But even more than just opposing new knowledge, many people are led by an evil influence to actually fight against new knowledge from God. Brigham Young noted this battle between good and evil:



Wicked men, Satan, and all the powers of hell and hate are at war with every holy principle that God wishes to place in the possession of his children. (JD 8:13)



It is clear that the devil is opposed to the principles and doctrines of the Gospel more than the Church itself. The Prophet Joseph exclaimed:



This generation is as corrupt as the generation of the Jews that crucified Christ; and if He were here today, and should preach the same doctrine He did then, they would put Him to death. (TPJS, p. 328)



And on another occasion he said:



"It is thought by some that our enemies would be satisfied with my destruction; but I tell you that as soon as they have shed my blood, they will thirst for the blood of every man in whose heart dwells a single spark of the spirit of the fullness of the Gospel. The opposition of these men is moved by the spirit of the adversary of all righteousness. It is not only to destroy men, but every man and woman who dares believe the doctrines that God hath inspired me to teach in this generation." Such were the words of the Prophet Joseph Smith to the Nauvoo Legion on the 18th of June 1844. ("Rise and Fall of Nauvoo," B. H. Roberts, Contributor VIII:12, Oct. 1887, p. 441)



[29] A true Christian, or a true Mormon, will often arouse some enmity because his strong beliefs in doctrine and principles are not in conformity with the rest of society. Jesus knew this and made the following promise:



If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; . . . (John 15:18-20)



King Solomon seemed to understand the nature of the opposition by saying, "The wicked watcheth the righteous and seeketh to slay him." (Ps 37:32)



Since the devil is opposed to truth, he causes trouble, false rumors, suspicion and eventually persecution to come upon the true followers of Christ. The Prophet Joseph observed this:



The enemies of this people will never get weary of their persecution against the Church, until they are overcome. I expect they will array everything against me that is in their power to control, and that we shall have a long and tremendous warfare. He that will war the true Christian warfare against the corruptions of these last days will have wicked men and angels of devils, and all the infernal powers of darkness continually arrayed against him. When wicked and corrupt men oppose, it is a criterion to judge if a man is warring the Christian warfare. (DHC 5:140)



Brigham Young noted:



As the kingdom of God increased upon the earth, so would the power of the enemy increase in like manner, to keep pace with it. (JD 2:249)



[30] It may be observed today that most of those who are rejected by society, cast out of their honorable positions, and considered evil, probably have some truth with them. Either they are very evil or they are defending true principles.



Consider the following comparison: If Billy Graham were really teaching the Gospel as Jesus taught it, he would be mobbed and driven-just as the disciples of Jesus were. If Joseph Smith taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as the scriptures declare, then he would be persecuted and mobbed-and he was. They both claimed to be followers of Christ, yet only one received much persecution. This opposition from the world is not for belief and reading the Bible, but because of the difference in the doctrines they taught. It is important, then, to be well informed on the doctrines of the Church, more so than the history of the Church.

MENTAL COSTS OF LOSING A CHILD

WELL, IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE I WOULD END UP DOING A SPOT ON THIS SUBJECT.

I HAD READ THAT THERE WAS A 70% CHANCE OF THE MARRIAGE OF A COUPLE WHO HAD LOST A CHILD TO END IN DIVORCE - AND THAT A MARRIAGE THAT HAD TO DEAL WITH THE ISSUES OF BIPOLAR (MANIC/DEPRESSIVE) HAD A 90% MORTALITY RATE.

THERE IS ALOT OF INTERESTING STATS THAT I HAD NOT RUN ACROSS (BUT THAT ANECDOTALLY SPEAKING, I COULD AGREE WITH). THERE WILL BE ALOT MORE ON THIS TOPIC IN THE FUTURE AS TIME ALLOWS:

The death of a child can cause not only devastating grief, but later serious mental illness as well, researchers reported last week. The study of more than a million Danish parents showed that losing a child under the age of 18 raised the risk of serious mental crisis, requiring hospitalization, by 67 percent. And it takes five years for the risk to subside, the researchers reported in last week's issue of the New England Journal of Medicine. Women were the most vulnerable, according to the study. Their chances of ending up in a psychiatric hospital for the first time increased 78 percent following a child's death. Fathers who lost a child had a 38 percent increased risk of being hospitalized for psychiatric illness. The team, led by Jiong Li of the University of Aarhus in Denmark, also found that the risks ''were highest during the first year after bereavement, remained significantly increased five years or more after the loss," and went down if the parents had more than one child. Previous studies have shown that losing a parent during childhood or losing a spouse also heightens the risk of mental illness.

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/health_science/articles/2005/03/29/death_of_a_child_can_l