SAVIORS ON MOUNT ZION - THE ANTITHESIS; BULLYING

When I say that "All is not well in Zion", this is one of the things I am talking about:

http://www.ldsliving.com/The-Sad-Truth-About-Bullying-at-Church/s/76598?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=social_button

To be fair and to give the whole picture, my MIL and some of my BILs were bullied or shunned after her divorce.  This led to a downward spiral in the living of gospel principles.  It is nearly impossible to recover from that "death spiral" once you are in it.  Especially if you are already struggling with WoW or other (outward) issues that people can easily judge you for.

I will be clear here - once again.  I do not care what someone's sins are (we all have our own) - but I will fight viciously against those who seek to normalize their sins as routine or take me or mine down that prim-rose path.  My MIL has done just that - and others within my own family circle - and I will call them out until the cows come home and the chickens are in the roost.

I have seen vicious bullying amongst my siblings and have seen them turn it on each other and even on my father.  It has been eye popping to witness.  In each case, I believe, it has been to gratify their own pride or cover for their own sins.  In each case, the bullying was not done in any way to suppress any kind of attempt by the "oppressed" to normalize their own bad behavior.  Again, I do believe in social pressure to attempt to maintain the "status quo" of good living - where the person is clearly attempting to sway the flock to a bad outcome.  I do not give a rip if a person shows up at church fully tatted out - and then tells stories of how they were deceived into it.  That witness is one of the greatest out there - and will lead to many living without that ill in their lives.  I DO however, have a serious problem with someone showing up and talking up how great their tats are and attempting to influence vulnerable youth into going there.  I will run them out on a rail in a heartbeat - and may even appear to be a "bully" in my own right to the wrong people, as I know I have in the past to several people.

I have read the comments in the article - they are above and beyond telling of the health of the people in the Church in general.  There is a social reason for bullying - to keep the herd moving along down the road without too many deviations to the left or to the right, but there is a clear line where it simply is NOT appropriate.  ALL members who would attempt to call themselves members of the Church of Christ need to examine themselves against this evil.

If this is not addressed - then surely we deserve what Spencer says is coming to the main body of the Saints.  The Book of Mormon backs this squarely.....

And I will say here - and I have only told my wife and two youngest kids - I have NEVER felt so alone in a situation that I felt I might take my own life; except due to bullying - and as an adult.  True story.  I am baffled to this day how I felt that way because I have always been an incredibly strong person and just tell people to go screw themselves if they do not like what I have to offer them.  BUT - somehow, I managed to go there when I was a newly wed with my first kid, a fixer-upper and a marriage that was doing marginally to moderately well at the time.  I had just switched jobs into pharmaceuticals and my new lead who was a burned out Jewish hippie from Jersey, had developed an impenetrable culture of fear and allegiance in my new group.  I was the newbie - and this guy made it known that he did not like "one of those", referring to my BYU references in my resume.  I was marginalized and, had I not had the support of my manager, I am not sure what I would do.  Well, that suddenly came to a crashing halt when the hippie Jewish guy found out about this manager's affair with the HR gal - and he blackmailed him into basically running me out of the group and tried to get me out of the company.  This guy was more cunning than the serpent himself - Brett Kalish, if you really wanted to know....  I hold his name in some form of pity and derision all at the same time to this day. Anyway, I appealed to the two LDS people in the group (both about my age - and the female in the RS presidency in her ward).  I appealed to our common background and was basically told that they could do nothing for me.  I was then given the cold shoulder in greater measure.  I grew to hate a state (Utah) where you could be fired for any reason at will.  I realized, they loved their job more than they loved good principle.  They knew if they backed me - they would end up on the wrong side of the equation and end up out the door, as well.  I cannot remember exactly when I had the thought - and it did not persist for longer than a day or two - but I actually had the thought that the "best way out" might be to take my life.  I am not proud that I thought that - but I did.  And it really still baffles me to this day - to the point that I would like to go and re-live the experience with perfectly clarity of mind to see what led me there.  My guess is that the stress of the situation at work was likely causing stress in our home - and the relationship with my wife was not particularly close at that time??  Normally, I would tell her anything and we could work through it.  We are pretty open in our marriage.  I remember a few years later telling her that the smoking hot, gorgeous woman that I had to share an office with was having an effect on me (I was developing feelings of physical attraction to her - and she was the fuse on that interesting situation, without getting jealous or over-reacting to my confession to her).  So, I am not completely sure why a few years earlier, I may have felt truly completely alone.  My guess is that I was not regularly going to the temple and my relationship to my God was in a depleted state, as well?  I think I may have been worried about my wife giving up her teaching job at some point and me having to fight the financial wolves alone while trying to stay on the treadmill that society has placed us on??  The fact is - my well was reaching dangerous levels.  Mud was coming up in the dipping bucket..... otherwise I doubt I would have gone there, based on past precedents.

Anyway - that is my story.  The fact is; bullying can affect people for their entire lives.  Mine was incredibly minor compared to most - but it was incredibly poignant for that short time I was in it.

I had a short bout of it in middle school.  I hit my growth spurt late in life - but I came back my 8th grade year a beast.  I went from 155 in 7th grade wrestling to 185 and remember quitting wrestling that year because they put me in the Heavy Weight class - and the only other kid in it, "Big Jim" who was pushing 100 lbs more than me, literally picked me up, body slammed me to the mats and jumped on me, cracking several ribs.  I still cannot serve a serve in tennis without feeling that cartilage pop every time.  Needless to say - coming back that fall eliminated any shoves into lockers after that.  And it led me to likely get elected as Freshman class prez because I always looked out for the thin, geeks who they resorted to pushing around.  I had my own voting bloc that paid me back in political favors....  I was then an Uncle Rico-sized guy - but with a Napoleon D. perspective.....  I sold no protections - but gave away the mean stares to the bullies freely....lol

Now it will sound like I am simply tooting my own horn.  And I say this for the sake of people that probably feel that I am harsh for some things I say on this blog.  I love all men and women.  I truly am a lover of my fellow beings.  BUT - take that same human being who wants to do physical harm - or worse - spiritual harm; and I will turn them into hamburger.  I will shred to pieces with no compunction....  Not a bit.  Even my comments about phaggery - only directed at those who attempt to push the deviancy onto others.  I have nothing but compassion for those who struggle with SSA issues.  I have not - thankfully, but have talked about my OSA issues.... :)  I have even had to defend my current boss, who is gayer than a three dollar bill, from attacks by others because he is different.  I actually like him immensely - precisely because he marches to his own drum and throws societal conventions out.  It is refreshing to be around him.  A gayer version of my attitude....

I am grateful for the bullying that I received - because it has made me the person who drives the agenda in a group setting where people are able to be open to admit mistakes and be human.  I cannot recall the number of times I have had people in my group come to me and personally ask me if they could remain in our group because it felt "safe".  As new-hires, they felt they could finally be open about not "knowing everything" and that they felt that I had offered a respite from the professional need to know everything, even though they were on rotation in a mentored capacity.  Making people feel stupid because they do not know the answer to stuff they should not be expected to necessarily know is a form of bullying.  It is rampant at my company - and there are major attempts to positively mold the culture in a better direction - because that insular attitude can cause dozens or hundreds of deaths in a worst-case scenario.