It is kind of a sticky situation, as the second wife that he was sealed to, already shares a marker with another man (her first husband who is already deceased). She has had that sealing annulled for reasons that are purely between her and her first husband and the Lord. And I hope they are awfully good ones - for I do not think the Lord takes this kind of stuff lightly. It is about commitment - and when we trample on those commitments, whether through infidelity or other means, it likely will not be well, if I am reading the Good Book correctly..... I know, because I put the very question to prayer and fasting for three days (twice) and got the "Martin Harris - 116 page" answer on the third attempt, which threw it (any consequences) all back on me.
So, apparently the marker will be shifted completely over his grave site and her name will remain on it? While my dad is buried down the row a bit with a blank spot for her when the grim reaper cometh at the appointed hour. So, she will now have a new marker with her name on it (date of death TBD) and my dad's information on the other side.....
Now, I am a bit of a pragmatist - but one would wonder why, with our modern diamond embedded cutting blades, we could not just saw the existing marker in half, leaving the half on former husband's grave site and the new piece going to the new site to be joined at a later date to my Dad's marker with some two-stage clear epoxy. Thus, if another and better option comes along - and my Dad's second wife has their sealing annulled, it would save the trouble of the shell game and added expense of yet another double marker. And then, there are the headaches for the genealogists when they start snapping pictures of grave markers and aligning them with marriage certificates and such.....
I do have to admit that, with loyalties clearly in my Mother's camp, that I feel a twinge of guilt in the arrangement (my dad not being buried with her) - for she was the woman who brought his 8 children into the world (and I can happily report that I have no dirt on my mother in which I can slut shame her with as I have other notorious women in my world. She was a good woman to the core - though far from perfect as we all are. She was good enough, however, in the ways that it mattered). My son got the spot next to my mother - that was supposed to be for my dad, and apparently my step-mother has a daughter that will take the spot next to her ex-husband. It all works out logistically - and I am all for it all - so long as everyone is happy and well-adjusted in the end.
I know that we do not change AFTER we die - we do not magically turn from sinners and people of deficient character, into gleaming examples of goodness. But, then - there are the facts of what went down after my mom died - and it does pose an interesting question that I was talking to my sister about:
Lol – yep, you got that right. Dad is a pligger…. Sealed to two women. And Mom and D_____ (my son - edited) showed up (as I expected something should happen per that dream I had the night he died), to confirm that Mom was fine with it….. THOUGH, I have to wonder how things will go when T____ (the second wife) arrives on scene….. Mom – let’s say – was just a tad the jealous type. Good thing there are no bodies at that point – so no eyes can get scratched out and no hair to rip out by the roots….. That would be one hell of a catfight…. Hiss/growl/howl…. Under the mortal circumstances Mom left in, there WOULD have been a body had Dad shown up with another lady on the other arm.
I go round and round with people who say that plural marriage was an invention of BY and that Joseph had NOTHING to do with it and that 132 was just an invention of the later church Fathers like John Taylor, etc. Sorry, I can tell the difference between writing styles (in the background of the information being given) and there is a difference between anything BY wrote/had written and anything that was dictated by Joseph Smith. It def is from Joseph. And we still seal more than one woman to a man – and NOT the reciprocal arrangement. There is a reason for this…..
Basic logic and reasoning shoots the opposition’s argument right out of the thin air – which is where it is coming from. That being independent of MY witness about the Mom/D____ (my son's) visit to dad.
So – it is what it is. It is a sifting principle. People that just can’t seem to deal with it will simply fall out. Others will move ahead in the spiritual evolution of things. It all, in the end, comes down to survival of the spiritual fittest.
I have told many a person my plight (male and female) and I have gotten back the thoughtful interjection from several females of: "I wonder if my man would stand by me through all that". Now that may sound like a little horn tooting - but you always have to ask yourself where that line is. For my MIL, it was adultery and sexual abuse of her first child that was the line for her with the person she was forced to marry by circumstance. She tapped out - and then later attempted to reconcile until followed by more infidelity and final tapout.
I had a fellow I knew that is the poorest excuse for a person I have ever met. He was a beta male - and the worst of all, a BYU-grad and engineer (does not every engineer have a common sense of logic and decency??). He was married to a good woman - and they rented the large house on my parents' spread when I was off on my mission. They had a large family. When I got back from my mission, I passed him in church one day and made the comment that he had a "lovely family". I hardly knew him - but I must have been impressed with the number of kids or something or something I saw one of them do that day. I could not help but notice an overwhelming look of guilt sweep over his countenance. Well, two weeks later, he was in jail for what later turned out the sexual abuse of ALL of his kids at one point or another - male and female. Now - I have a solution for that - and it all comes down to the cost of one shell and a shovel to dig a hole.....
The CRAZY thing - is that his wife stuck with him through the prison sentence - and on last check, they are still together. Hopefully, they chemically castrated the SOB or worse.....so it could not happen to others out there. So - there is that level of commitment to someone. Maybe she is WAY better than I am - but my line was WAY before hers.
In the end, it is all in God's hands. Millstones, ropes, shells and stones aside - you kind of just have to let it all go once the damage is done - and leave it there for the final assessment. It is the burden we all bear for the price of agency. And I mock those who complain that "if there were really a God out there, why does He not come down and save us from the pedophiles, bad presidents/dictators and other horrors of life". I just shake my head - as they have NO grasp of the power of agency - and therefore, the need for the Atonement - and the need for Jesus' covering blood in our lives. So - we MUST forgive. But, for those who still deal with the wreckage of others' poor decisions on a daily basis - sometimes this is easier said than done.