HELICOPTERING AND LEARNING BY NATURAL CONSEQUENCES VERSUS WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?

 This is a journal entry a long time in coming.  I think it is important to have things come to a head, because it forces one to think and process things that are socially and, often spiritually complex.

I had the delight of spending a few hours with one of my nieces.  Her mother, my younger sister, is a hard driver/straight talker that is very refreshing to be around.  There is no beating around the bush with her; and it is a welcome thing in a land where passive aggressive is the norm, along with smoking pot and smashing store front windows in an orgiastic rage because they did not get their way (yes, I am from Seattle...).

One of the things I was able to hear her say, is that guys today are such losers (and her boyfriend was sitting right there).  I about choked on my non-kosher, Jew offending, pagan Ishtar ham....  This girl chewed it up at school.  She got a full ride schollie to USU and finished up in three years.  Her parents paid no dime to the school fund even though they make bank and are doing quite well.  They simply do not coddle.  Out of the three kids, there were two valedictorians and one that was a runner-up, I believe.  So, this girl is on fire and is getting her Masters at BYU while working full time with a car that I think she paid for herself.  Very impressive.  I thought I had drive!

But she is right.  And I mourn for my girls because most guys are porn-addled, vid game addicted, shells of men that are not getting it done for them.  My niece said it is impossible to find someone reliable.  I agree with that assessment.  There is an entire generation of young "men" that are content with a big nothing burger in life.  The problem with this, is that it shifts the burden of rising up and getting it done to the poor women out there.  And the divorce rate keeps on rising as the men sit in front of the glowing screens and bellow out a question; "When is dinner going to be ready!?!".  Oh sure, many put on the air during the courtship that they will rise up and make it happen, but that quickly fades after the honeymoon glow begins to dissipate and the woman is left disgruntled, overstressed and dis-satisfied.  She eventually realizes nothing will change and is forced to leave.  The problem is that there are few places to go.  They are trapped.

What is the source of this?  It is because the parents (the "me" generation now grown into adults) have supplied kids with every detail that the kid needs including stepping in when kids miss important deadlines.  The kids are NOT allowed to fail, as the parents do the d'evil's bidding (and one soul shall not be lost).  One soul shall not be lost = we will make sure Johnny does not trip and get a booboo in life.  No scars or learning experiences for Johnny....  No growth for Johnny.  Mediocrity reigns.  The ENTITLEMENT mentality sets in.  What’s yours is mine, and what is mine is mine.  The devil’s mantra of “and the glory be mine” becomes the watch cry.  Selfishness reigns.

When I went to college, my first motivation was not to impress anyone (other than God), it was driven because I had a desire to be a father and a good husband and to provide and make my spouse comfortable in trusting me and so she could bear my children and rear them.  It never was a 50/50 for me (she pulls in half the paycheck), because there are differences between she and I.  Namely, she has a uterus and some unique skills in nurturing that I plain do not have, no matter how hard I applied myself.  So for a guy to go off that they will share the earning potential equally, it is an empty promise.  He will never have to go through morning sickness, carrying his babies, up in the night nursing and so much else.  Her load simply will be exponentially higher due to her uterus.  Any other approach is gaslighting.

So, in my marriage, it has been 70-90% the male hustling for the living and the wife having the luxury of working if she felt so inclined.  It has motivated me.  Anything else?  Pure laziness and empty promises that will be addressed in the Judgment.  Gaslighting will not go unnoticed and unrewarded when we are weighed in the balance.

When I went for a woman to be my wife, I had transportation in place (my third car that I had fought for) and had a fourth (two vehicles when we knelt at the altar).  Why?  Because I was not going to tolerate having her walk a stroller with a basket of laundry to a laundromat.  I would not even propose otherwise.  Not even conceivable.  Anything else is delusional and pie-in-the-sky thinking.   It sets the expectations low early on and leaves her the slave to his hobbies and appetites.

I also was busting my arse for a degree that I was sure would allow my wife the basics of life that she would be taken care of.  Not something glamorous, nor going for the best GPA just to impress, but to secure something I know would hold up my end of the responsibility of a family.  Why?  Because it is and always will be unfathomable to dump my responsibilities of shelter, basic transportation and food on another.  I once again encountered someone this past weekend who has NO food storage and was quite certain that they had the skills necessary to secure it from another.  Same thing with a vehicle.  Same attitude.  Securing it via another who had busted their arse for it.  This is morally bankrupt.  When I married, my wife had secured her own vehicle.  I had my two rides.  We did not rely on each other.  This shows either lack of planning or severe lack of a moral core.

The only time we should truly rely on anyone else is in the case of the Atonement, and only then; AFTER ALL THAT WE CAN DO.  We don't just sit lazily back doing nothing and joking around about life while shouldering our sin (including sins of omission, due to laziness) onto His shoulder.  It is morally bankrupt to do so.  Simply wrong.  Period.

But most "men" of this generation are frittering away their potential and producing a big nothing burger out of life because they have not learned to strive.  The best lesson I ever learned in life was from my 6th grade teacher, Mrs. Johnson.  She told the class that the assignment was due on a Friday and honestly, I do not remember what caused mine not to be ready on time.  But I stayed after furiously trying to get it done and could not.  She informed me she had to get home for something and could stay no more at school.  She offered to drop me at the corner of my road.  The entire scene is burned into my mind.  Her '78 Ford F-250 with the truck camper on the back of it and her dropping my off while I was blubbering my plea out to not flunk me for this missed assignment.  I turned it in late and got a 30% reduction in my grade.  It was a bitter pill to swallow, but it changed my behavior from that day forward.  I was a changed kid because someone cared enough for me to do the hard thing and let me fail.

Many parents do not - and they create kids who fit better in spirit prison than they do in a telestial world of natural consequences, let alone a terrestrial or celestial world.

Even God the Father had to pull the helicoptering angels off at the most crucial time and let Him do it alone.  He was not so much forsaken, as He was given the gift of being able to say, "I did it", and by being able to brush the devil off when he attempted to steal the thunder from the most epic task in the Universe.

So, parents;  please allow your children to fail.  Let them miss the bus and that awesome field trip.  Let them get fired for not being to work on time.  It will do them a whole heap of good and will help the women out in future generations.