SHAME VERSUS GUILT

My wife is one of the wisest people I know.  Wisdom usually comes from passing through difficult things and having to digest and assimilate lessons learned from those difficult situations.  This is why we should not necessarily be upset when bad things happen.  We simply are building our "life muscles".  The only thing you can take with you is your relationships with those you love (and who similarly qualify for those blessings you seek) - and the wisdom gained from a lifetime of good living.

A life of wickedness produces no wisdom, no eternal fruit of joy and peace and no lasting relationships (precisely because there is no relationship of note with someone who is evil - self-centered, lascivious, and who is not looking out for the good of their fellow-beings).  In other words - you CANNOT have a relationship with the devil and his ghoulish minions (possible former associates of ours from long ago), because their only intent at this point in their fallen natures, is to drag you down to their level and assist in you becoming miserable like unto themselves.   There simply is NO way to mitigate that - as anyone who is married to a narcissist will attest.  Any kind of enduring relationship is built on enduring love, mutual adoration and an environment where one only seeks the welfare of his/her brothers and sisters.  Sin produces selfishness - or is the product of selfishness.  Higher living/Consecration produces an elevated state of everyone involved - whose desire and end-goal is to please and lift another.  That is why progression is upwards and has no end, with an infinite and un-bounded future - while sin traps, snares and leads to no future options as the devil drags you down speedily to hell (to seal you his).  Does not sound very liberating, does it?

Anyway - I was in a discussion on FB about some bad stuff going down in someone's personal life:

Yes, God uses a pricked conscience (guilt) and Satan uses shame. There is a HUGE difference. Guilt will eventually lead the person who is astray, to repentance. Shame will not lead to the right outcome because the base motivations are usually wrong. Tearing someone down in response to a wrong feels so good because you clear yourself - but the reward that you would have gained (in heaven) for having had forbearance, is lost. The tally, so to speak, is not increased in your favor. This is where the "bearing it patiently" comes into play. It is meant to refine us (usually).

My wife, at times, will tell me that I let stuff build up - and then let it blow.  She is right.  Precisely because I use forbearance and patience until a line in the sand is crossed.  Then - when the insults are too much, I often let it fly.  Not necessarily bad - unless you have a tendency to take advantage of the good will of a person.

Those who are imbalanced spiritually, are usually takers and will not use equitable judgment (see things from a neutral perspective).  Same things with narcissists, etc.  The combination of a "giver" and a "taker" in a relationship is usually fatal - when the giver decides they simply have given too much. 

A person who openly shames a person instead of letting guilt get the job done is a tough person to handle.  The only time that shame can be used - is when a person is irrational and the person is incapable of feeling guilt.  I believe this was done in the Garden of Eden.  Adam and Eve were dealt with using the natural feelings of guilt, while the adversary (incapable of feeling or reacting rationally, as most humans would), had to be openly shamed.