God gives NOTHING away for free. Neither salvation, nor forgiveness (just saying your accept Jesus and are saved does not cut it - for some of the delusional BACs out there...). Anything of value - anything worth having is usually preceded by an Abrahamic Test. If we fold and shrivel (raise the fist to curse God, wishing to die), then we have failed the test. If we come out shining and stronger from the experience, then all is well. I have many short-sided loved ones and friends who say that God is a sadist, or that "no God would allow such terrible things to happen". Sadly for them, their short-sightedness just bought them bitterness and pain instead of growth and perspective.
We ALL signed up for our trials (beyond the ones we have brought upon ourselves, by sins of commission and sins of omission). Looking at Jesus' ultimate sacrifice without perspective, one would wonder what kind of sadistic Father we all have in common. Until the perspective is given that He VOLUNTEERED for that role. So did we for many of our trials. My wife is of the opinion that the Judases and black sheep of the world may be playing a role. I would say not. Nor the evil one and the third of the host of our former brothers and sisters who rebelled against good principle and went their own way against the better counsel and light.
If we have tragedy or pain in our own lives, due to sin (such as an out-of-wedlock pregnancy), then the "punishment fits the crime", so to speak. My MIL, for example, ended up having to get married to a male who ended up being a pedophile and philanderer. A bad choice led to very bad consequences which she has paid dearly for all of the remainder of her life. For some time, she had tried to right that foundering ship by gospel participation and the living and seeking after good principles, but the keel of that ship had a fatal flaw from the beginning and it ended up going down to the bottom in breathtaking fashion. An entire family has suffered as a result of those decisions and the following train of events that ensued. So - when we are in the pit, we have to ask ourselves, "
Am I in this pit by directive of a loving Heavenly Father who wants me to turn this around and repent and change my life for the better? Or, am I in the pit, so that I may be chastened for my lack of attention to good principle?". It is either ONE or the OTHER. Sometimes, a combination of both. Only we know the real answer. So, when we see someone in distress, we are NOT to judge them, because the particular pit they may be in, may be due to some of their own doing, or due to an agreement they had made premortally in order to bring true growth to their spirits. No one in their right mind, knowing the Christian narrative, would judge that Jesus was hanging on the cross due to his own "poor action" etc. The thieves next to Him, possibly - but not him.
Here is a great meme that got me spun up:
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