I just love this song. While I was still high as a kite on fentanyl in the hospital, I was belting this out at 3am in my hospital bed while lying there hardly able to feed myself or take care of basic self care. It was surreal.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvYarluqINA
The crazy thing is that I never once panicked over the fact that I had been in such a close scrape with death. Maybe it was the drugs; I am not sure. I was thinking back on when the hospital psychologist came in about five days after coming out of intensive care and was asking me where I was at as far as reality. They put me on the phone with some people I knew well and who knew me well and I was still going off about how I was the Sheriff over all of the Western USA and Canada (I had concocted this reality so I could have all the hospital staff arrested who were holding me against my will)... haha... I am telling you, that fentanyl is GREAT stuff! Anyway, I knew that I was being evaluated so I could get out of there, but I could not reconnect with reality.
In retrospect, I think they had to give me enough fentanyl to put a horse under. I am a big guy, but every time I have gone under anesthesia, they always have to crank the dose up. Lots of body mass to absorb the drug to some level of saturation, dosing tables be damned. Because of that, and the fact that I just never use stimulants or drugs of any kind other than aspirin, I reacted more strongly than they expected to the increased dosage I am sure they had to give me. Some of the hallucinations I had were very strong. I was absolutely certain I was in a regional hospital about 150 miles away from where I was based on a very difficult night where I was in and out of consciousness when I am pretty sure the hospital lost power (we had one of the strongest wind storms and many people in Cardston and the surrounding area lost roofs and entire buildings) and my ventilator was off. I was able to observe people running everywhere trying to mitigate loss of power on critical machinery. As I came in and out of consiousness, I was able to sense people in the room with me. Possibly there to make sure I was able to breathe on my own? I kept trying to communicate with them, but could not. Likely due to the tubing down my throat.
The level of mental toughness required to go through that would be daunting for many. Early studies show that 70% of the people who have been vented for more than two weeks are psychologically scarred to the point they cannot return to normal in personal relationships/work/social, etc. I have been through a lot in life which probably helped me weather this.
I think all of this will come in handy with what is coming. The more emotional/spiritual toughness we have attained, the better off we will be.
Trust in God and "the plan" will be paramount.
No comments:
Post a Comment