Tuesday, August 13, 2024

PUTTING MY ENEMIES BENEATH MY FEET

 This is a topic a long time in coming - and I do not want to be accused of drama.  This is simply how I see life and have had to deal with it.

I have always said exactly how I feel on any given topic.  I really give zero schittz what people think of me - I learned early that you either have to buckle down to the whims and perceptions of society as a slave to their opinions, or you can be a free man and operate on your own terms.  For this reason, I have never been popular.  If you want to create an enemy, just stick to your guns on the Law of Chastity or on the Word of Wisdom - or these days, on the witness you have of the divinity of the life of Jesus Christ.  You will get the hell beat out of you for your trouble.  At some point in the near future, you may well pay with your life for holding these unpopular opinions.  The more you deviate from the norm, the worse it gets.  We truly are crabs in the pot of boiling water - attempting to escape the gravity of the situation, but never quite capable of orbital velocity.

I am going to define the term enemy in terms of a Millennial context.  My enemy is anyone who does not have my best interests in mind.  In a  Millennial model, we will seek out the interests of our fellow man above our own.  Spouse, then family, then fellow man generally.  It will be an amazing time - that I crave for with ALL of my heart.  My wife, when not in her right mind, at times has been my worst enemy.  I have had co-workers who have not had my best interests in mind, some downright threatening, and fall in this category.  If you have someone's best interest in mind, you do not necessarily blow sunshine up their keisters, but tell them what they need to hear.

And then there is this: I have had siblings, co-workers, MILs, who have said horribly injurious and malicious things behind my back.  Stuff so salacious, it trips my circuit breakers.  For example, when my kid died of SIDS, I got the back-channel that I somehow had something to do with his death.  To me?  That comment is worthy of a prison sentence - it is so injurious.  To me, it borders on an electric chair experience in the flesh.  One worthy of simply keeping a person out of the terrestrial kingdom, or less.  On this topic, I have had many nightmares that I was caring for him and dropped the car seat accidentally and his head popped off and I was frantically trying to put it back on.  Messed up.  Implying anything like that (other than to an investigator, if there is a true legitimate concern) is just over the top sick, when people are fragile and dealing with an over-the-top traumatic life event.

Then there is a constant undermining of my relationship with my wife of those who would imply that I am anything but faithful to her.  This includes the second counselor (sitting) of the Cardston Temple.  To me?  If I had it in my power?  I would strip that person of their membership and the only way they could get it is by going through the person who they slandered.  At a minimum, there would be civil penalties in an earthly court.  If the effects were widespread, it could mean a degree of glory lost.  I take my reputation and honor seriously.

My wife is an abuse survivor at the hand of her step-dad.  He has profusely apologized to her for those multiple incidences until she was brave enough to stand up for herself and it all blew wide open.  That profuse apology was the balm that she needed to heal as much as she can in this life.  I am an abuse survivor of an older sibling that denied all of it and gas-lighted me when I tried to deal with "anything in (my) your past that has not been resolved".  This sibling of mine died suddenly a few days before Chirstmas last.  It was a shock, to be sure - but the thing that really stung, was that she had not let me close that door before her passing.  She created a wide sibling rift - in those who took her gas-lighting narrative and whom I reject as family or even friends - and those who have my back.

This same sibling was part of the crowd that accused my dad of putting the mother in smother and taking my mother's life when she passed from a blood clot and insisted that an autopsy be performed that exonerated my Dad's good name (at least of not being a murderer...).  This is the same sibling that followed him around in the dark and saw him come out of work laughing with a co-worker.  And this somehow made him an adulterer...  Just sick.  Quite frankly - mentally ill.  And her cohort and sibling in crime - still alive.  How awkward when the second cohort gets to the other side and finds that their attempts to slander my father (and myself) have cost them everything that is important to most people?  So sad for them.  Liberating for me.  The liars and the false accusers will become a hiss and a byword and will be spoken of in hushed tones for a long, long time.

My MIL is now dying of cancer, to the point she can no longer speak - and I am getting a familiar feeling that I had when my sister died.  There is sadness over missed opportunities, for sure - but there is also a sense of euphoria or victory in that I no longer have to endure slanderings against my character and I can be free of it until we meet again at the bar.  No one else that I am aware of, other than another king-pin sibling who doubled down on the gas-lighting narrative the other one was pushing - and who still lives, would dare call me an adulterer or imply that I had something to do with the death of a dear, cherished loved one, let alone anyone else in any measure.  So, that chapter/phase is behind me.  I no longer have to endure it patiently - and I have a sense of euphoria in knowing I am free from the schitt-show and that I can now direct the narrative to back to reality.  I vigorously doubt I will have to deal with them through the eternities because where I want to live (a place free from drama and gossip and low-brow actions and liars - wo unto them...), they likely will not be permitted to enter, for those shall "be cast down to hell"..  At least without a mighty course correction.  But this life is the time to prepare to meet God - so I do not hold out a ton of hope for the miraculous hail Mary pass in the last seconds of the game.  And, if so, how sincere does it come off as??

I am glad I have outlived them all - and it is a good feeling because I get to feel the feeling of being free of the dysfunction, the lies, the drama that they sought to impose.  I can now have life on my own terms.

I want to be clear here that I am not putting myself on the same plane as those who I am about to address - but I want to make it clear that this life is supposed to be a test and this schitt-show is part of the deal.  Jesus and Joseph were constantly being maligned and their character was/is constantly being called into question.  And Joseph contantly described the flow of the schitt as water off of a duck's back.  So, we are supposed to just suck it up - but I tell you that Joseph was excited when he knew his ticket was about to be punched, that he would finally be free of his enemies (those who did not have his back).  He knew he was going somewhere that they could not, nor would ever be able to go.  On this earth, he was surrounded by them like ticks on a dog or mosquitos in a swamp.  Jesus, the same.  Some wanted to kill both of them.  Many did try.  How disgusting is that?!?  The best people to walk the earth; expunge them like you would eliminate a rat or even less humanely.  I often think of those who participated in those crimes above all crimes.  What a fate they must be enduring?  A Just God demands a stiff penalty.  Possibly out of reach of the Atonement for their stubborn rejection of it?  So hard for me to comprehend.  Such a waste of a chance!  So sad for them.

But because some would not rise to meet the bar, they must be trodden beneath the feet of those who could have saved them.

Choose carefully your words, your actions and how you handle others, for they most likely will sit in judgment against you.  The first shall be last, and the last shall be first.

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